Kelly Comes to Hogwarts!
by Mango-ten
Summary: Kelly, from the famous "Shoes" video, enrolls as a student at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Craziness ensues.


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Kelly comes to Hogwarts

A fan fiction

**DISCLAIMER:**

**The character "Kelly" belongs to Liam Sullivan.**

**Hogwarts, Harry Potter, and everything else belongs to JK Rowling.**

**I OWN NOTHING.**

This is my first story written as a sort of cross-over, and I hope everyone enjoys it!

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Harry Potter and his best friend, Ron Weasley, were sitting inside a compartment on the Hogwarts Express. They were anxious, yet excited, that they were going into their forth year at the magical school. To pass time, they gazed outside of their window and looked at the beautiful passing lake. Harry smiled.

"That lake is beautiful." Harry sighed. "I wish I could _swim _in it."

"Me too, Harry!" Ron said, clearly excited. "I love lakes."

They started to sing an impromptu version of "Can't Buy Me Love" as Hermione burst in.

"Hello, all." She said as she sat down next to Ron. "I still haven't heard about either of your summers! Harry, spill it all."

"Well," Harry started to say, "I went on a walk one day. The next day-"

The compartment door burst open at that very moment. A girl, who appeared to be about seventeen, was standing in the doorway. Her lip was curled upward; a feature that matched her acid stare perfectly. She was wearing cheap, hot pink lip gloss with somewhat heavy eye makeup. Her thick-rimmed, black glasses accented this feature perfectly. Her shirt exclaimed BETCH in bold, hot pink letters. She was wearing a leather jacket and a plain, knee-length black skirt. Her red-and-white striped socks clung onto her knees, making no part of her legs visible. Her shoes, original converse, were a feature Harry recognized immediately.

"I love converse." He said cheerily. "Hullo, there, I'm Harry Potter."

The girl gave him a stare that could start fires. "My name is Kelly. I like shoes." Hermione was trying not to laugh; Kelly's voice was rather man-ish.

"So, Kelly," Hermione started after she had calmed down, "what house are you in? I don't believe I've ever seen you at Hogwarts before."

"Actually, I'm new here. I'm a late bloomer, or something." She rolled her eyes. "My magic was sort of uncontrollable at first, so my parents sent me here."

Ron decided to speak up. "What kind of people are your parents, anyway?" He asked, genuinely curious. Honestly, he expected a drag queen and a heroin addict, but he didn't want to say that.

"My dad is totally not there. He's not a very good person, either. He likes to rip me apart at the seams. He questions what I do and wear. But, whatever. My mom's a total betch."

Hermione gave Harry a curious glance that screamed, _"What is a betch?"_Kelly, apparently finished with talking about her life, decided to guess what kind of life Ron lead.

"So," She said as she stared at Ron. "I used to take a class in high school. It was called 'Hair and stuff,' or something."

"Genetics?" Hermione asked.

"Yeah, whatever." Kelly replied as she gazed into Ron's eyes. "You have siblings. As in, a lot of siblings. How did that happen?" Ron started to speak up, but Kelly stopped him. "Never mind. I don't want to know. So, your mom is a nice person, if you're on her good side. If you're on her bad side, things get ugly. She used to have problems as a teenager, but those are over. She's had a very long time to figure those out! But, on the blunt side, she's horny and doesn't know how to use birth control. Either that, or your dad is really horny. Either way, that's how you have a billion siblings.

"Anyway, there are twins in your family, if I'm correct? Well, they share a bed here at Hogwarts. They are lovers. As in, make love until the new day dawns, that sort of thing? They have no plans of stopping. As in, ever.

"There's only one girl in your family? That must be hard on your mom, living in a house with two hundred potential-" She stopped as she thought about something. "Never mind. Your sister is completely out of control. She drinks and does drugs regularly. That whole 'chamber of secrets' thing was a dumb myth. Your sister put LSD into everyone's goblets, causing them to think it happened. She put an extra amount into yours and Harry's, over there. She put too much in Lockhart's, though. That's why his brain doesn't work well anymore.

"Okay, that's my reading. Take it in, betch." Kelly smiled, satisfied with her ability. Ron, too shocked to speak, shuffled over to the corner.

"Kelly, that was incredible!" Hermione exclaimed. "You do have magical ability!!"

"No, it was just written all over his face!" She replied with an annoyed tone to her voice. "I mean, everyone in London knows of his betchy sis-"

"I think we're almost there." Harry said in an effort to take the subject off of Ginny. "We should change."

"Good idea." Hermione said as she started to lead Kelly into a girl's changing room. "We'll see you later!"

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I hope everyone liked it! Chapter two will be up soon!

By the way, I love feedback and constructive criticism!!


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